Letting go, and moving on

So its been awhile since I've posted something, much due to me dealing with life, and everything that's been happening. So let me give you a recap of what's been going on...

For those that don't know, or just joining in the conversation, my wife and I are going through a separation. This is something that has been happening since January. Things happened, things were said, emotions were hurt, but all of that has now led to this.

Over the past several months I've gone through many stages, denial, anger, frustration, confusion, depression. Heck, at one point I was even contemplating suicide (only briefly no more thinking that, I like life too much). Anyways, part of me deep down kept blaming everything on the one thing or another, and then I blamed myself. Fact is, everything that happened, well it wasn't a result of one thing or another, it was a full combination of things that have been happening for years. Underlying problems that were never addressed, and was swept under the rug. Out of sight out of mind right? No, it doesn't work that way. Sweeping issues under the rug might seem to work for awhile, but let's be honest, eventually you'll have to clean under the rug, or its going to start feeling bumpy. At first, only you'll notice, but as more things get swept under, others will being noticing, and by the time you want to address it, well the mess might be to big.

So my advice, address the issue before it gets too big. Something bothering you, let the person know. Yes you might make it uncomfortable for you and them, but in the long run, I'll be for the better. If anything this experience has taught me that things are always as they seem. Ignoring the issue or problem doesn't make it go away, it only prolongs the inevitable. Deal with issues in the present. Problems won't go away on there own. You need to work at it.

As for love, yes, I still love her, and I'm sad, but I have to let her go. I need to let her move on, and I need to move on as well. Its too late for us at this point; we waited too long and the pain is still too fresh. But who knows what the future has in store, it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. A chapter that we need will have to write alone. Its going to be difficult, I won't fake it. For me, well, I've never really been alone.

Hell, I'm terrified of venturing out into the world by myself, with no one there beside me. Sure, I have friends and family that love me, but at some point, I will have to deal with being alone. It's time, enough time has pasted that the pain is bearable. Like the old proverb (I think Chinese) said, "A Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with but a single step." Well, I'm taking that step.

To all those that have helped me through this trying time in my life, thank you. To those that have kept me going, thank you. For those that just listened to me talk for hours on end, or even in passing, thank you. Thank you for being there for me.