Thank you for always being there for me. Sacrificing so much for your sons, I know growing up it couldn't have been easy. I can't even imagine getting married as such a young age, have 3 kids, moving to another country where you know no one, don't speak the language, or have anyone to turn to. Having to raise us alone with all the drama from our youth, but through it all you where there.
Working long hours to put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and joy and happiness in our hearts. You've always been there for us, through it all you have never given up on us. Sure you were disappointed in us from time to time, but we could always count on you when it counted. This past year has been hard on me, and I just wanted to say thank you so the whole world will know that you are amazing.
Of course we have our differences, but what family doesn't? However, it's the bond that we all have that keeps us together. I love you dearly, with all my heart, and no matter what happens I always will. I know we are far apart and don't get to see each other all the time, but that doesn't matter.
So mamma, Happy Mother's Day!
Love Always, Your Son.
PS, Happy Mother's Day to all the other mothers out there. Without you all, none of us would be here. I hope that you are treated special, not just this day, but everyday.
Dejavu, that feeling or knowledge that you've done something before, or something happening and you feel that you've been through it. All those years ago, when I first started dating my ex-wife, she had gone through a difficult time when her grandfather died. She was a mess, especially since she had just visited him less than a month before. She had a difficult time, and I was there for her. Fast forward to present day, and it's like dejavu.
My current girlfriend is going through the same thing. She just lost her grandfather, and she too just saw her grandfather less than a month before. I'm not trying to draw any parallels to the two relationships, as each are unique from each other. However, it did make me wonder if this is something that happens around me. Do I have some phantom that follows me around and offs grandfathers of those that I date? I'm not trying to make a joke, but it is something that I wonder.
I'm helping her focus...making sure that she gets to grieve, but still getting the things that needs to be done done. There will be time to grieve in a week...finals, get that done...I might sound cold, but it's the truth. The dead are dead...they'll still be dead when finals are done. I've lost people in my life as well, but things need to get done. We need to hold ourselves together to get them done, then we can grieve. When my father past, I had to keep it together. My family around me were heart broken, but I had to keep it together for my mother. She needed someone to be able to lean on, and so I was that rock. The foundation that kept her going, doing thing that needed to get done, even when we didn't want to.
Once again, I'm that rock. One more week, that's all. One week of keeping it together, then she'll be able to take the time that's needed for grieving. So for now, we got to take it one day at a time...slow and steady.
Throughout our lives we have many decisions to make; who to be friends with, boyfriends, girlfriends, where to go to school, where to live, what kind of car to buy, shopping, clothing, all sorts of choices that we must make. It is with these choices that we live our lives, day in and day out. We have to deal with the consequences, whether good or bad, they are ours, and we have no one to blame but ourselves. However, one thing that we don't have a choice about is family.
Family is one of those things that we can't really do anything about, kind of like taxes and death. We can try and avoid them, but they're always there. We can run away, but they're always there. One of the things that I was dreading the most when the ex and I decided to go our separate ways was telling my family. I was ashamed of myself.
I didn't want to have to explain the situation. Explain the who, what, when, where, why and how to them. I didn't want to deal with it. Like I said, I was ashamed. I felt much of all that was happening was my fault. This is how I felt when this was happening. Eventually, after a good period of time, I was able to let my brothers know. They were the first in my family to know. I didn't want them to tell my mother, so I told them not to, I wanted to do it. My mom was out of the country at the time.
By the time she came back home, I was ready to tell her. By then I had already begun my process of accepting what happened. Was dealing with moving on and forward with my life. When I finally told her, she accepted my explanation and asked me what I wanted to do. When, she accepted my reasoning...my chosen course. This is why we can't live with them, but without them is out of the question. Love your family, and let them know you love them.
I was ten when my father left us; mother and 3 boys, 10, 8, and 5. He left us with nothing...no money, no car, nothing. Growing up, my mother did her best, but we still had no father. Sure he visited on the Sundays in the beginning, but that stopped almost as soon as it started. My mother had a boyfriend, and he tried to be a father...but I never saw him as one. However, there has been 4 men in my life that I would consider as my fathers, or father figures.
First was Sabumnim, my Taekwondo instructor. From the time I was 13 until I went into college he was there for me. He spent time with me, and taught me not only Taekwondo, but what it was to be a man. Camping trips, sleepovers, tournaments, or sometimes just hanging out at 7-11. He helped me through my impressionable youth and kept me on the right path. For that I thank you.
Next, after going to college I met another man that has had a great influence on me...Sensei, my judo instructor. This man took me under his wing, guided me through the part of my life that we call adulthood, but yet I was still seeking guidance. Through him I learn much of what I know now about survival, health, wellness, and now I strive to perfect my character. I hope that I can be like him when I get to be his age. Thank you for teaching and guiding me in my path of becoming a great teacher.
My Father-in-law (unfortunately soon to be ex). This man took me in when I had no where to go. He treated me as his own son. We would have meaningful conversations about anything under the sun, or just sit and play Columns on the the Sega Genesis. Always patience, and never violent. He treated his family with nothing but respect, and loved and cared for everyone. You have given me an image of marriage that I will aspire to achieve in my future relationships. I know that even though you are still here among us that we will not see or talk to each other much if ever again, and for that I am sad.
Finally, my step-father, who was more a father to me than my own biological father ever had been. This man took in a women that already had 3 boys (16, 14, and 11) and treated them as his own. Taught us, raised us, provided for us. He wasn't like most other dads, taking us to ball games, or throwing the ball out in the yard/park. But one thing he did do...he loved all of us. Not just his new wife, my mother, but all of us.
One of the hardest things in my life that I've had to deal with was his death. I literally watched as he died. During his time dealing with his illness, he was living with me and my fiance at the time (the soon to be ex)...it was difficult for me...seeing him have is bad days and good ones. Listening to this man struggle to walk up my stairs, or eat his food. I'll always have fond memories of him, and I miss him dearly. He was taken from us to early.
The hardest thing this year for me...well, I'm loosing another father. I have a feeling once everything is finalized (divorce) I'll never hear from my father-in-law again. The idea of this also saddens me, but there's nothing that can be done. So, on this Father's Day, Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there.
