I took another step towards freedom the other day, the disillusion of my marriage. The document has now been signed, dated, and notarized. Parts of me are still angry about this whole thing, but it's a healthy angry. I should be angry...my therapist said so. So now with the next step in the long process out of the way, the question becomes how much longer? Well, I don't have a definitive answer for that question, it's all up the the bureaucracy of our cash strapped government. The document needs to be reviewed by a judge and then signed off my him/her. Only then will this whole thing called marriage be over, well it's over, but not officially.
I'm reminded of a class I took way back in the very beginning of my undergrad program. The class was titled, 'Intimate Relations.' No, the class was not about how to be intimate with someone, but more on how relationships worked. It attempted to explain how people fall in love, fall out of love, and how some couples who seem to have nothing in common can profess to be in love at all. To illustrate the last point in particular; an older gentleman with a very young lady. Many of us would make an argument as to the validity of their love for one another, I'd argue that they do genuinely love each other, and here's why.
It all comes down to SPIT. If one person finds another person's SPIT desirable, they can genuinely fall in love with that person. On the other hand, once the SPIT is no longer desirable, they fall out of love. This concept is very simple of understand. Before I give you some examples, let me explain the meaning of SPIT. SPIT is an acronym for Socio-economic status, Physical appearance, Intellect, and Temperament.
Soceio-economic status refers to two things; wealth and position. When some desires one of those things and they fine someone that has this trait, then the begin to fall in love with them. It could the sense of security that one feels from being finacially secure, or maybe its the power and respect that is afforded to those in position of power. Whatever it is, someone desires this, and they will seek someone else that has this. Often times some people that have this desire are called "gold diggers" but when you talk to someone that truely desires these traits, it can be genuine love. This also explains how we can stop loving someone. Once this desired trait disappears or goes away, so does the love.
Physical appearence is obvious. We call do it. We look around and see a pretty woman, or a hunky guy (for the ladies that is, not my cup of tea), and we go ga-ga over how they look. Models, movie stars, singers, they all have an appearce about them that one group or another finds attractive. This is usually one of the first qualities of a person that we notice, and for you to deny that a persons physical appearences doesn't play a roll in whether or not you find someone attractive, you're lying to yourself. Now, I'm not saying that every person you have a relationship with must be a 10, but we tend to converse with those that are easier on the eyes more. Of all the attributes of SPIT, this one tends to be the one that changes the most. Let's be honest, our physical appearance is highly correlated to our age. So the older we get, the harder it is for us to stay attractive. I'm not saying we can't be attractive at an older age, but I'll say that we need to work harder and staying that way.
Intellect, one of the attributes that can sustain a long term relationship. Being able to have an intellectual conversation is important. Yeah, some one can be nice to look at, but what's the point if you can have a conversation? Think of a time when you met someone that was very attractive, then the opened there mouth and you just walked away. Or a time you were so unimpressed by a statement some made that just changed you whole persective on them. On the flip side, someone you me, you might not have thought of as being physically attractive, but over time you're able to connect on an intellectual level, and then feelings being to develop. When we connect on an intellectual level, our status in society may changem we can even get old and wrinkley, but the connection is still there.
Fianlly we have Temperment. This is another one of those long lasting attributes. How does this person react. Are they honest? Paticent? Short tempered? Quick to anger? Understanding or stubborn? These are the things that can make or break your relationship. Even if we find someone that has the attribute that we desire, let's say Socio-economic status, without intellect and/or temperament, what do we have? Nothing...we have a relationship that is based on status or material things. If that status or wealth disappears, so does the love.
So in my case, what happen? Well, that's a topic for another time, after I've had time to reflect on my own situation. All-in-all, I know that I'm closer today to this ordeal being over with, and I look forward to the day I can start the next chapter in my life.
I'm reminded of a class I took way back in the very beginning of my undergrad program. The class was titled, 'Intimate Relations.' No, the class was not about how to be intimate with someone, but more on how relationships worked. It attempted to explain how people fall in love, fall out of love, and how some couples who seem to have nothing in common can profess to be in love at all. To illustrate the last point in particular; an older gentleman with a very young lady. Many of us would make an argument as to the validity of their love for one another, I'd argue that they do genuinely love each other, and here's why.
It all comes down to SPIT. If one person finds another person's SPIT desirable, they can genuinely fall in love with that person. On the other hand, once the SPIT is no longer desirable, they fall out of love. This concept is very simple of understand. Before I give you some examples, let me explain the meaning of SPIT. SPIT is an acronym for Socio-economic status, Physical appearance, Intellect, and Temperament.
Soceio-economic status refers to two things; wealth and position. When some desires one of those things and they fine someone that has this trait, then the begin to fall in love with them. It could the sense of security that one feels from being finacially secure, or maybe its the power and respect that is afforded to those in position of power. Whatever it is, someone desires this, and they will seek someone else that has this. Often times some people that have this desire are called "gold diggers" but when you talk to someone that truely desires these traits, it can be genuine love. This also explains how we can stop loving someone. Once this desired trait disappears or goes away, so does the love.
Physical appearence is obvious. We call do it. We look around and see a pretty woman, or a hunky guy (for the ladies that is, not my cup of tea), and we go ga-ga over how they look. Models, movie stars, singers, they all have an appearce about them that one group or another finds attractive. This is usually one of the first qualities of a person that we notice, and for you to deny that a persons physical appearences doesn't play a roll in whether or not you find someone attractive, you're lying to yourself. Now, I'm not saying that every person you have a relationship with must be a 10, but we tend to converse with those that are easier on the eyes more. Of all the attributes of SPIT, this one tends to be the one that changes the most. Let's be honest, our physical appearance is highly correlated to our age. So the older we get, the harder it is for us to stay attractive. I'm not saying we can't be attractive at an older age, but I'll say that we need to work harder and staying that way.
Intellect, one of the attributes that can sustain a long term relationship. Being able to have an intellectual conversation is important. Yeah, some one can be nice to look at, but what's the point if you can have a conversation? Think of a time when you met someone that was very attractive, then the opened there mouth and you just walked away. Or a time you were so unimpressed by a statement some made that just changed you whole persective on them. On the flip side, someone you me, you might not have thought of as being physically attractive, but over time you're able to connect on an intellectual level, and then feelings being to develop. When we connect on an intellectual level, our status in society may changem we can even get old and wrinkley, but the connection is still there.
Fianlly we have Temperment. This is another one of those long lasting attributes. How does this person react. Are they honest? Paticent? Short tempered? Quick to anger? Understanding or stubborn? These are the things that can make or break your relationship. Even if we find someone that has the attribute that we desire, let's say Socio-economic status, without intellect and/or temperament, what do we have? Nothing...we have a relationship that is based on status or material things. If that status or wealth disappears, so does the love.
So in my case, what happen? Well, that's a topic for another time, after I've had time to reflect on my own situation. All-in-all, I know that I'm closer today to this ordeal being over with, and I look forward to the day I can start the next chapter in my life.
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