Shopping!

Shopping, something that men and women do very differently, generally speaking. Men tend to be 'get-in, get-out' style. Women on the other hand like to walk from store to store, look at every item, and try on every other. Now I'm not saying that one way or another is correct, or even that one style is better than another, there just different. As I posted on an earlier post, I've been slimming down. In the at slim down process, much of my wardrobe that fit me before, I know swim in. Shirts, pants, you name it, I'm swimming in it.I use to wear 36 waist pants, at first because it was the style that I wore, now even a 32" is loose after I eat. I'm slightly up in my weight to 170, but the inches keep coming off. I know I've hit that point where I've lost much of my fat (still have some), and muscle is developing. But I digress.

So with this weight lost, I've been in dire need of new clothes. I finally went with my brother from another other to his suit place. This place is truly a man's store. We walked in, and I told the sale rep what I was looking for, and in a matter of minutes, he was able to put together a look that I just fell in love with. No I don't have pictures...yet, but I'll update this post when I take some. The sales rep was a funny guy, telling me that I could get married in it, and I responded that I was getting divorced. At the moment, what seemed like everyone in the store came over to shake my hand. It was a joke...getting divorced, buy a suit. The best part of all this, the suit out the door with all the accessories was less than $300. I remember when I bought my first suit...it was close to $500, and wasn't even close to the quality that I got. They have truly gotten a new life time customer in me.

Buy a suit of this quality also means that you need to get it tailored. We walked around the corner, and in a small hole-in-the-wall place I got that taken cared of for $6! and I waited less than 10 minutes! Yes I'll tell you where I went at the end of this post. In addition to my clothes, I've recently gotten into hats.

Now I'm not talking ball caps or the like. I'm talking about fedoras. I've never been a real big hat guy, but I'll be damned I look good in them. I bought my first one in H&M on sale, and I'll be honest, it looked nice...now, well it's starting to look its $5. I went to C-town and got better quality ones in more styles and colors...now, well you'll see when I get the pictures up.

So to wrap this post up, yes women and men shop differently. Us men tend to spend less time getting the things we need, whereas women tend to spend more time looking for things that they don't. Men, don't get mad at your woman...understand that they is they way they are. Let her know that you're not into the long hours of shopping, but be kind about it. Occasionally go on a shopping trip with her, let her know that you're willing to do something you don't enjoy, just don't expect it all the time. And ladies, understand that your man might not enjoy shopping as much as you do, so cut him some slack from time to time. Enjoy the times he does go, but don't make him feel like a jerk when he doesn't.

So here's the places I mentioned above:

Roger Stuart Closthes

729 S Los Angeles St

Downtown

Los Angeles, CA 90014

Richard's Tailor Shop

111 E 7th St

Downtown

Los Angeles, CA 90014

Kids

I've always wanted my own kids. Having a "mini-me" running around playing. Watching them grow up. Having them ask you questions you have no idea how to answer because we as adults tend to over think everything. When I was younger, I had an huge hand in raising my brother that is 18 years my junior. Taught him how to read, took him to zoos and museums. Bought him books, and explored amusement parks, camping trips to Bryce Canyon, and just had tons of fun. I missed that...heck, I still do.


When I got married, I figured that I would sooner, rather than later, have a small bundle of joy to call my own, but I'm glad that we never had kids together. Now when the property is sold, and the divorce is final I'll be able to walk away and never have to have anything to do with her anymore.


I still want kids in the future, but I don't think it's going to be soon. I do enjoy kids though. I guess I'll have to just settle for other peoples kids to play with...huh, that could sound wrong....

Every man should know how to cook.

"Why, cooking is a women's job."

Yeah, good luck with that one. In today's society, we have many women in our world that don't know how to cook. And to be honest, why should they know how to cook just for you? that's just wrong of you to think that. The old belief that a women's place is in the home is as outdated as your way of thinking about the world. Let's be honest with ourselves here. Women today are just like men. They have dreams and aspirations that sometimes don't include men, marriage, or kids. That side, many also don't cook. With their education and careers being their priority, who has time to cook, let along learn how to do it? The same reasons that us men will use for not having learned this valuable skill, the women of today use them also. So I'm here to make the case of men (and women) learn how to cook.

For me, I have a vested interest in this. My ex used the reason that I didn't cook enough (not that I didn't cook, just not as often as she would have liked) as a reason for cheating on me (read the earlier post for the back story, no need to re-explain all that). So I'm going to start a new blog on how to cook. I'll be sharing some of my favorite recipes, as well and recipes that I've found in cookbooks, online websites, and heck, even ones shared by you (if you so choose to help in this project). If you look at the time of this blog, you will see "The Food" as a tab. There's the link. For those of you men out there than are too lazy to do that, here's a direct link:

confused-man-the-food.blogspot.com

My first post is up there already, so enjoy.

Another Step Towards Freedom

I took another step towards freedom the other day, the disillusion of my marriage. The document has now been signed, dated, and notarized. Parts of me are still angry about this whole thing, but it's a healthy angry. I should be angry...my therapist said so. So now with the next step in the long process out of the way, the question becomes how much longer? Well, I don't have a definitive answer for that question, it's all up the the bureaucracy of our cash strapped government. The document needs to be reviewed by a judge and then signed off my him/her. Only then will this whole thing called marriage be over, well it's over, but not officially.

I'm reminded of a class I took way back in the very beginning of my undergrad program. The class was titled, 'Intimate Relations.' No, the class was not about how to be intimate with someone, but more on how relationships worked. It attempted to explain how people fall in love, fall out of love, and how some couples who seem to have nothing in common can profess to be in love at all. To illustrate the last point in particular; an older gentleman with a very young lady. Many of us would make an argument as to the validity of their love for one another, I'd argue that they do genuinely love each other, and here's why.

It all comes down to SPIT. If one person finds another person's SPIT desirable, they can genuinely fall in love with that person. On the other hand, once the SPIT is no longer desirable, they fall out of love. This concept is very simple of understand. Before I give you some examples, let me explain the meaning of SPIT. SPIT is an acronym for Socio-economic status, Physical appearance, Intellect, and Temperament.

Soceio-economic status refers to two things; wealth and position. When some desires one of those things and they fine someone that has this trait, then the begin to fall in love with them. It could the sense of security that one feels from being finacially secure, or maybe its the power and respect that is afforded to those in position of power. Whatever it is, someone desires this, and they will seek someone else that has this. Often times some people that have this desire are called "gold diggers" but when you talk to someone that truely desires these traits, it can be genuine love. This also explains how we can stop loving someone. Once this desired trait disappears or goes away, so does the love.

Physical appearence is obvious. We call do it. We look around and see a pretty woman, or a hunky guy (for the ladies that is, not my cup of tea), and we go ga-ga over how they look. Models, movie stars, singers, they all have an appearce about them that one group or another finds attractive. This is usually one of the first qualities of a person that we notice, and for you to deny that a persons physical appearences doesn't play a roll in whether or not you find someone attractive, you're lying to yourself. Now, I'm not saying that every person you have a relationship with must be a 10, but we tend to converse with those that are easier on the eyes more. Of all the attributes of SPIT, this one tends to be the one that changes the most. Let's be honest, our physical appearance is highly correlated to our age. So the older we get, the harder it is for us to stay attractive. I'm not saying we can't be attractive at an older age, but I'll say that we need to work harder and staying that way.

Intellect, one of the attributes that can sustain a long term relationship. Being able to have an intellectual conversation is important. Yeah, some one can be nice to look at, but what's the point if you can have a conversation? Think of a time when you met someone that was very attractive, then the opened there mouth and you just walked away. Or a time you were so unimpressed by a statement some made that just changed you whole persective on them. On the flip side, someone you me, you might not have thought of as being physically attractive, but over time you're able to connect on an intellectual level, and then feelings being to develop. When we connect on an intellectual level, our status in society may changem we can even get old and wrinkley, but the connection is still there.

Fianlly we have Temperment. This is another one of those long lasting attributes. How does this person react. Are they honest? Paticent? Short tempered? Quick to anger? Understanding or stubborn? These are the things that can make or break your relationship. Even if we find someone that has the attribute that we desire, let's say Socio-economic status, without intellect and/or temperament, what do we have? Nothing...we have a relationship that is based on status or material things. If that status or wealth disappears, so does the love.

So in my case, what happen? Well, that's a topic for another time, after I've had time to reflect on my own situation. All-in-all, I know that I'm closer today to this ordeal being over with, and I look forward to the day I can start the next chapter in my life.

A warm bed.

So this past week has been kind of hard. I haven't been sleep all that well. It started with waking up 30-60 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I attributed this to the fact that the sun has been rising up earlier as well, so I tried keeping the blinds down so the sunlight wouldn't be so bright, but no luck...still up early. More recently, I've been waking up at 3 in the morning. No reason, just sometime in the 3 o'clock hour, I'd wake up. Again not sure what's causing this. The only thing that I can think of is I'm lonely.

For the last decade I've always had my ex in bed with me. Up until the separation, I could count on two hands the number of nights we weren't in the same bed. Now, I'm not writing this to say I want her back...I don't, but there something to be said about having a warm body in bed next to you. We're social creatures, and I, more than others I know, crave to be touched. With this divorce, I'm alone. I go to bed alone, and wake up alone. I actually crave physical contact. I'm not sure how to describe how I feel exactly because I'm not sure myself. I just know it's not a feeling that I enjoy.

Over time I guess this too will come to past, but I still felt that I should write about this. Keep a log, if you will, on my process through this adventure that we call life. The paper work has been signed by us both, and now we get to wait for a judge to sign off on everything...so once that happens, I'll be a free man.

Do you exercise so you can eat or eat so you exercise?

Over the past decade, we as a society have been obsessed with dieting. We're always looking for the quick way to loss weight, look thin, be fit; an entire industry has developed earning billions of dollars a year. It seems like every month we're learning about a new diet, pill or piece of exercise equipment to help us in our efforts to gain the body we always wanted. Now experts; nutritionists, exercise physiologists, doctors, trainers have all been preaching the formula for years now, but no one seems to listen. Watch what you eat (portions here) and how much physical activity do you do.

A good friend of mine once told me, "I exercise so I can eat."

This, to me, sums it all up. Are you eating so therefore you exercise? or do you exercise so you can eat? That's the simple question. Do you stuff yourself throughout the day, so  you feel obligated to go to the gym and get some cardio in? Do you guilt yourself into getting off the couch and moving your body? That's what you need to ask yourself. Do you eat more than you need to sustain your activity level? Well do you?

Or are you in the other group? You exercise so you can eat. Michael Phelps, this was a guy who, if you looked at what he ate, didn't give you the image of the best diet. Pizza all the time. But hey, when you swim as much and as hard as he does, burning up all those calories, you can do that. So get up and exercise...burn those calories off. The more you burn, the more you can eat. Remember moderation, eat whatever you want, just remember these simple equations:

• Calories in > calories burned = weight gain
• Calories in = calories burned = weight maintained
• Calories in < calories burned = weight loss