Dejavu

Dejavu, that feeling or knowledge that you've done something before, or something happening and you feel that you've been through it. All those years ago, when I first started dating  my ex-wife, she had gone through a difficult time when her grandfather died. She was a mess, especially since she had just visited him less than a month before. She had a difficult time, and I was there for her. Fast forward to present day, and it's like dejavu.

My current girlfriend is going through the same thing. She just lost her grandfather, and she too just saw her grandfather less than a month before. I'm not trying to draw any parallels to the two relationships, as each are unique from each other. However, it did make me wonder if this is something that happens around me. Do I have some phantom that follows me around and offs grandfathers of those that I date? I'm not trying to make a joke, but it is something that I wonder.

I'm helping her focus...making sure that she gets to grieve, but still getting the things that needs to be done done. There will be time to grieve in a week...finals, get that done...I might sound cold, but it's the truth. The dead are dead...they'll still be dead when finals are done. I've lost people in my life as well, but things need to get done. We need to hold ourselves together to get them done, then we can grieve. When my father past, I had to keep it together. My family around me were heart broken, but I had to keep it together for my mother. She needed someone to be able to lean on, and so I was that rock. The foundation that kept her going, doing thing that needed to get done, even when we didn't want to.

Once again, I'm that rock. One more week, that's all. One week of keeping it together, then she'll be able to take the time that's needed for grieving. So for now, we got to take it one day at a time...slow and steady.

I finally moved out.

So last week I announced that I was officially divorced, this week, I'm moved out.

I'll be honest, I thought I could still live there in the house that we bought together. I thought that I could make due with being in the same house, even though she didn't sleep there anymore. I thought things would slowly get better for me, but ultimately, I wasn't happy. Sure I was in better shape than when I first started, but happiness was temporary. When I wasn't home, sure, my mind was elsewhere so it was easy to forget everything, easy to move on. However, I still had to come home at night. See the photos, the house, the rooms. Things that we bought together, our dog, which is now her dog.

In addition, I'll be honest, living there, I couldn't save any money. Everything that was divided, well turns out I've been paying for everything, mortgage, insurance, prop tax, everything. She was taking from me what I was suppose to be paying once a month, twice a month. Well, anyways, what's done is done. I'm out. Done. Finished.

Long run, this has got to be healthier for me right? I mean, staying there was driving me crazy. I felt uncomfortable in my own "home." People kept telling me that I needed to get out of there, and so now I finally have.I have my own place now. I have my own stuff. So begins a new chapter. A new part to this journey that is called life. I have my friends and my family, what more could I ask for.